


The Last Dance with your Predator

by Maon



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Blind Character, Blind Reader, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Named Reader, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Prophetic Visions, Singing, The Fade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23483131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maon/pseuds/Maon
Summary: Do you want to know what happened? I may not be omniscient, but this was created based on your own words. I only embellished a little, I swear!From Author: I wrote it in 2nd person, but note that Reader is named and has a specific character which may not suit you. As such it is also tagged as OFC.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel | Solas/Original Female Character(s), Fenris & Original Female Character, Hawke & Original Female Character, Solas/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for any comments and kudos. Criticism is appreciated, as well as pointing out my mistakes.

An explosion destroyed not only the target, Chantry, but also the nearby buildings. The red pillar of light blinded the survivors at first. The fire raining down from the sky followed shortly after. Doubtlessly, many died instantly, but the sight of detached limbs or organs painting the walls, roofs and even other people with blood, didn’t calm anyone. It was the disaster in the true meaning of this word. 

How many times had this vision haunted you? You were always so careful when talking about your nightmares. 

While it was terrible on its own, the following vision was even worse. 

Green flashed before your eyes. Demons were swarming the ruins, jumping at soldiers and tearing them apart when their knees didn’t endure the weight. Soldiers or templars? Did it matter? They were people. A hand stretched out to you as if welcoming you in a dance. A few flashes of something you could not see, but it still terrified you to the core. 

It was wrong. Everything was wrong. A queen dismissing someone outside your view. Familiar face with a rare but honest smile. A beautiful garden with flowers in every colour. 

Four years passed since the explosion in Kirkwall, but have you ever stopped blaming yourself for it? 

You knew that your friends never stopped wishing for your happiness, didn’t you?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the Predator!

As your friend liked to say, life writes better stories than one could ever imagine. You hardly could disagree; after all, those were the words of Varric Tethras, an accomplished storyteller. Still, even when you were entering the Skyhold, you didn't think that this day would be a beginning of your own tale. Of course, it was obvious that you were at a place alike to an eye of the hurricane. It was the fortress of an Inquisitor, the only person who, allegedly, could close the rifts which were appearing everywhere in Thedas. There was no way for this visit to be an ordinary one, but you would have never suspected it to lead to the greatest changes in your life.

Guards stationed on the first gate quickly let you go through when you showed them an invitation. They probably had their orders to let you in, because they didn't even stop your dangerous looking companion. Perhaps, if you had been alone, they would have taken more time to ascertain your identity, but there was no way to mistake an elf with white lyrium-filled tattoos. Your friend, protector and your true family, Fenris. You two were long past the time when you only had each other. You shook your head at the memories and opened your blinded eyes.

A red light speeded in front of you and you gasped, stopping on the bridge. You barely registered the loss of sounds next to you which Fenris had made as he had walked, more focused on the spectacle only for you. You flinched while seeing a destruction of a tower by some explosion, before a dragon rushed above you, its mouth opened in a silent screech. Then you noticed a wolf, bigger than any other you had seen, which was standing in the middle of the second gate, its gaze focused on you. A cold sweat run down your spine as you stared at the steel eyes that held too much intelligence in them for the wolf to be a simple animal. Just as you thought of it, the vision dispersed and you were left in your dark world with a hurriedly beating heart.

“Valentina?” Fenris called your name, his voice holding a little worry.

“I had a vision,” you explained, but not elaborated. You massaged your temple, going through every detail in your head to better remember it. A shine of green in the background, horns on dragon's head and the black fur of the wolf. You were uncertain whether you saw a past or a future. Perhaps it was a mixture of both.

Fenris took a small step forward and hearing his footsteps, you followed. You passed by the second gate as easily as it was with the first, heading farther into the fortress. With only a light touch at your back, he steered you to the left.

“Steps,” Fenris notified you and after confirming with your cane, you counted them.

Your head ached from sounds surrounding you. People run from place to place, doing their duty, while stopping for gossips. Whispers appeared to be directed at the two of you; you knew well yourself that Fenris wasn't a usual elf. Additionally, after Varric’s book, he became somewhat infamous.

“Broody and Cub!” You heard a familiar voice causing your lips to curve in a glad smile. You relaxed as well when hearing your friend for the first time since that cursed day in Kirkwall. You isolated heavier steps of Varric's from the other sounds. “Finally decided to drop by for a little game of Wicked Grace?” Varric teased.

“We were short on gold so we couldn’t pass an opportunity for an easy win,” Fenris answered, his voice slightly changed, likely by a grin. “However, that's the goal for the evening.”

“Ha, looks like you’ve forgotten who was winning back in Kirkwall.”

“Isabella, obviously.” You smiled, joining in the teasing. “Cards aside, it's great to see you again. Might I have a hug?” You opened your arms.

You leaned a little and soon you were hugging or rather trying to crush your friend as a greeting. He laughed that you didn't need to lean down, so you faked a pout, as if his joke about your height hurt you.

“Ruffles can't find our little Birdy, so how about we stop by Hawke’s room first?” Varric proposed and you agreed quickly.

Apparently, Hawke got a tower overlooking the valley all for herself, but there was a lot of stairs to climb on the way. Stairs and people, the worst of your enemies. Varric knocked at a wooden door.

“You're here!” Cheered Mariam Hawke, after she opened the door. “Come inside, make yourself at home.”

You moved first, knowing that both Varric and Fenris would wait, and you hugged Hawke.

“Aww,” she cooed. “I missed you too.”

“There is someone else here who missed you more,” you teased her. As you stepped back, you felt a person pass by you.

“Fenris,” breathed out Hawke, her voice heavy with emotions. You smiled.

For a long time, you tried to convince the elf to take another step in his relationship with Hawke. He was being stubborn, unsure whether his devotion to the rogue was enough. Your attempts to convince him were for naught, but you didn't give up, mentioning from time to time how you wanted for your family to grow. Now, when they finally were reunited, you knew that sooner or later he would follow with your advice. He just needed a push at the right moment.

Hawke told you about her meeting with the Inquisitor and Varric mentioned a Seeker who was angry at him. The messenger prevented you from catching up for some more, with news from Lady Josephine. Varric went as your guide, showing Fenris a place that he made his own in the Great Hall. You promised to meet with him later.

You stopped in front of Lady Josephine’s office, nervously squeezing your cane, while your protector knocked. The two of you waited for a while, before the door screeched and a new voice told you to enter.

“Welcome to Skyhold, Lady Valentina Lucilla Decmitia and Serah Fenris,” heavily accented voice said. Taking note of the respectful use of “serah” which was used in the Free Marches, you switched the cane to the other hand to be able to perform a formal bow.

“I assume I have a pleasure of meeting Lady Josephine Cherette Montilyet?” You asked. “The words of your skills as an ambassador reached even Kirkwall.”

“You make me blush, Lady Valentina.” She laughed delicately. “I do hope I can make your stay in the Skyhold as pleasant as possible.”

After exchanging pleasantries, you followed Josephine farther into the castle. She opened the doors into a war room and you twitched. Inside two signatures were sending a warm, cosy feeling, tempting you to go closer; you knew they were mages. Usually, you merged this feeling with an imaginative flare of light.

“Allow me to introduce Lady Inquisitor Adala of the clan Lavellan.” Josephine spoke. “Her advisors: Sir Cullen Rutherford, Commander of our forces and Lady Leliana, Senechal of the Inquisition. Last but not least, Solas, our expert on the Fade.” You didn't expect them to have an expert here, but it was a good sign. His presence meant that he wasn't just some Circle Mage thinking that he knew everything.

You bowed again. “It is an honour to meet such personages. I’m Valentina Decmitia and this is my friend Fenris.” You smiled pleasantly. Fenris stayed silent as you previously agreed. He was only here as your bodyguard.

“We are all overjoyed that you replied positively to our invitation.” Josephine assured you.

“The pleasure is ours, Lady Josephine.” You replied immediately, keeping up your polite smile. You were sure that at least their spymaster and Josephine knew you’ve received a letter from Varric immediately after Inquisition fled Haven. Otherwise the two of you couldn’t make to Skyhold in time to meet Hawke. The official invitation came to you when you already were close to the castle. “You gave us an opportunity to meet our friends, so it's only natural to help you however we can. I hope that my ability would be of use to you.”

“Since you mentioned it,” a male voice said. You turned your head, noticing that it didn't came from either of spikes of magic. You were almost certain he was the commander. While you spent many years in Kirkwall, you managed to never meet him before. “What exactly is your ability? Varric was pretty cryptic about it, not to mention the secrecy that you imposed on us.”

“You have to excuse my caution. If someone had found out about me, I could be in a grave danger. I am an unusual Seer, unlike the ones from Rivain.”

“Is that the reason that Varric book doesn't mention you much?” Curious voice asked from the direction of one of the lights.

“Lady Inquisitor, I assume?” You tilted your head a little in question. You forced your lips to stay curled in a smile, even when it started to be unpleasant.

“Just Adala is fine.” She hurriedly said. If you were to judge from the lack of Josephine’s reaction, it was quite common for the Inquisitor to breach protocol.

“To answer your question, Lady Adala, Varric knew that I have no means to protect myself if someone desired my power. I always assumed that it was an act of kindness to a friend. Now, for a briefing, before I begin.” You sighed. “Please, remember to keep it all to yourself. Even rumours, if it reached the wrong ears, can endanger lives.”

“You have our word.” Woman with a calm voice carrying slightly Orlessian accent promised you.

“Thank you.” You nodded at them, truly grateful. Though those were just words, you felt better after hearing them. “My power is connected to the Fade in a different way than other people or mages are. I was a mage once, but later I lost my vision of the world as it is, in exchange for glimpses into the time itself.”

“What do you mean by it?” Inquisitor asked confused.

You stopped a sigh. Why no one ever lets you finish your explanation first? “To put it simply, I can see the past or one of the possible futures. Unlike the past, there is no fixed future. I influence others to act differently which might result in a new future. As for an example, I may be able to see how your Mark was made or the moment you may lose it. However, there is a possibility that you will change this future yourself. You may lose it in another way or keep it for the rest of your life. Fortunately, I can tell when the future has changed.”

“This means you can see every possible future?” Leliana asked.

You shook your head, but an honest smile went to your face. People rarely asked the important questions. “It depends. At times I can see different outcomes, but usually it is only one of them. I assure you that it is still enough to avoid dangerous events or switch them to work to your advantage. To assure you if something changed, I have to look again.”

“Does your ability work only on people or does it have other uses?” Leliana inquired.

“It works on everything; be it things, people or places. The amount of information varies, depending on various factors. At times I may be able to tell that a mug was held by someone influential, sometimes I can tell every major event of your life until the day you die. I can talk for a long time about my ability, but I believe you all are rather busy. Should I begin?”

You stepped closer to the Inquisitor. Her Mark was stronger than her connection to the Fade as a mage. It was different, more agressive than you were used to. It felt like it didn't belong there. At the same time, it pulled you closer, small needles prickling your skin in an attempt to use your mana. You wanted to give in, but knew better than that.

“You only need to look at my hand, right?” Adala asked unsure.

You nodded and she let you take her hand in yours. You opened your eyes and inhaled sharply just like a few others in the room; probably because of your eyes. As you once had heard, they were green with silver pupil, which was weird for you since they were plain brown before.

However, at that moment you were enchanted at the sight before you. The Mark was sending away green sparks, even though your whole world was dark greyish beside it. It was dancing around Adara's hand and you focused on patterns it created. They created straight lines cut with arcs as if writing runes in the air. You tried to memorize it even if you didn't understood them. Although there was no sound, it seemed to sing to you and the needles on your skin started to push harder. You grimaced in an annoyance, trying to ignore the pain.

“Like I thought, it is power in itself.” You hummed more to yourself. The greater one's power, the more it pulled yours.

“What can you tell us about the Mark?” Leliana wanted to know.

“The Veil normally stops everything from the Fade to reach our world; such as spirits or the very force that mages use.” You still were looking at the Mark, explaining the basics firsts.

“Mages drawing on the power of the Fade do not damage it, since their individual power is much inferior to the one that created the Veil. Of course, whether the Veil was created by the Maker or other gods is a matter of an individual’s faith, but undoubtedly the power that did it was great.” You took a breath. For some reason you felt suffocated until you added this sentence. You didn’t like discussing religion, but you never refused to satisfy the feelings you sometimes got. Somehow you knew they were important.

“This mark gathers and focuses the power on its own. Imagine a separate entity that can draw from the Fade like a mage does, except it doesn’t have a mind on its own. I can only assume that after gathering enough it can close the tears in the Veil. Perhaps it recreates the Veil itself?" It was just a thought, but it could work like a plug. This would be worrying, since it may mean the Veil wasn't permanently repaired. "Maybe if I can look while a rift is being closed, I may be able to tell more.”

“It is similar to what Solas said.” Inquisitor told you. “You can go with me during my next journey.”

“I would be honoured.” You curtsy, looking up at her. A green veil was surrounding her, but you shuddered slightly at the dreadful feeling you got. You wanted to focus on her to find out more, but you had to finish the conversation first. “Though I am not sure that I can say anything more about the Mark than your expert-”

As you turn your head with a slight bow of respect towards a mage named Solas, you froze. A light, cosy feeling that usually burns inside mages faded, replaced by the growing darkness. Your eyes widened and you took a step back. It filled your senses with its presence; you couldn’t hear, speak or taste while the pure darkness swallowed you. It was different than the blackish lack of light that you got accustomed to due to your blindness. It was overflowing with feelings. You felt a need to hide, but you knew you couldn’t hide from the power. There was no warmth around you and no hope for living another second. You were all alone. You realised that you were just like an ant; not even worthy of being eaten by the predator.

Darkness shifted slightly as its claws retreated and a mist appeared to shield you. That was when you heard a heart wrenching shriek. After a second passed, you understood that it was you who were screaming. Then, your other senses came back. You could feel the cold stone on the floor that you fell on to and hear voices of others.

“What did you do to her, mage?!” Fenris was standing in front of you, his voice holding fury.

“Drop your weapon!” Cullen commanded to him, his steps indicating that he moved closer to Solas, at least partially shielding him.

Your eyes were stuck wide open. Even though there was no more darkness in front of you and mages’ lights came back to their places, you were still reliving the experience – it was mostly out of the habit. Claws threatening you, a slight surprise at the ease of which you were eaten. Finally, a panic when you were almost dead. Something deeper came with the darkness the moment it touched your body. Desperation. Loneliness.

“Let’s all calm down now.” Adala tried to reason with them. “There must be an explanation.”

“Fenris-” You barely could speak. Your throat was on fire, but you only realized it in that moment. Was it from your shrieking? “Fenris!” You managed to raise your voice.

You heard some shifting and a warmth appeared on the back of your head. It didn’t even help with the fear still roaring inside you. “I’m here.” His calm voice should put your mind at ease. It didn't work this time.

Everything hurt. You were shivering from the cold while your heart pounded in your ears. You were as much in control as the day when your sight disappeared.

“Get me-” A sob escaped you without your will and you felt tears gathering in your eyes. “Out.” You bit your lip hard to stop the trembling.

He easily lifted you and quickly moved. You couldn’t focus on the directions; you just buried your face in his chest, the rest of your pride fighting against crying in public. You knew you were safe while you were carried out. His closeness was slowly untangling the knots of fear stuck to you. You heard Hawke’s voice. Even though you didn’t recognize the words, you felt relieved to be in her room and soon, you were crying your heart out.

You didn't know when you had fallen asleep, but as you woke up, a smile came to your face at the smell of Hawke and the warmth you were surrounded with. The nightmare had passed, you were finally safe. A dread that threatened your small world was insignificant; you were with your friend and your family. Everything was alright.

In reality, it wasn’t. You lay on your side, taking deep breaths. You have to take care of this Solas and quickly at that. Something that would tell him that you were just a small lamb, not important enough to be noticed. Whatever it might take.

Firstly, your responsibilities. “Hawke?”

“Hmm?” Sleepy voice answered. You breathed a sigh of relief at familiar sound. Hawke liked her sleep, sometimes even cursing when there was a need to get out from the bed in the early morning.

“Can you pass to the ambassador that I am ready to resume our meeting whenever they can? Just not-,” you hesitated. “Not with that mage. And make Fenris busy, will you? He shouldn’t threaten the Inquisition’s Advisors more than once.”

“Sure thing, sis.” She murmured, her arms hugging you closer. “Later.”

You chuckled slightly and buried herself farther into her body. Her slow breaths and steady heartbeat lulled you back to sleep. You were exhausted.

* * *

“Morning, Cub.” Varric’s voice woke you up this time. It didn’t matter to you; you weren’t even in the Fade. “I came with a summon and a breakfast. You have an hour.”

You sat up carefully, aware of your pounding head. You felt a lot better as if the incident was just a dream changed by Fear. “Do they really gather so early?”

He chuckled. “It might be your morning, but it’s already past noon for everyone else.” It was unladylike, but you loudly groaned. You were asleep for around 24 hours. “Aren’t you glad I am the one to wake you up?”

“They just know how much I love you.” You teased. “Where are my things? I need fresh clothes.” You frowned, realizing the different material you wore. “Wait, someone changed my clothes?”

“Changed and laundered.” Varric confirmed. “Hawke took care of you yesterday. The rest of your clothes should be here somewhere. I will look for them. There is a basin to your right, if you would like to look more presentable.”

You groaned again, this time more with amusement as you were aware of the state one was after crying as much as you did. After you stood up, your fingers traced the dresser until your knuckles knocked onto the basin. With Varric’s help you got your clothes, you changed while he swore, he wasn’t looking (which you confirmed since his voice echoed in a different way) and sat with your breakfast. Your friend got you an oatmeal with apples, something you quite enjoyed.

You made your way much earlier than expected. Varric didn’t mind being your guide; your friends were used to taking care of you. Behind your closed eyes your mind was checking every flare nearby, recognising magical talents. You knew the Inquisition was allied with the mages but knowing didn’t make anything easier. You kept your power curling closely to you, but there was still a small fear that someone might take it from you. Imaginary hands reaching in your way made you shudder.

“Varric!” A voice stopped you when you entered the main hall. A male with accent that you would always remember. “Is the lady the one everyone speaks of? From Tevinter?”

“How did you hear it when you are always locked in the library?” Your friend asked with amusement.

“I do come out from time to time.” The man answered with faked hurt.

You observed his warmth, a strong one at that, with interest, creating the man in your mind. A mage from Tevinter in the Inquisition? Varric was at ease with him, but you couldn’t decide whether he was an enemy or not yet.

“A delight to meet you, my lady. My name is Dorian of the House Pavus.” You quickly checked your memory. House Pavus was certainly a family you have heard of before; their members were counted as Altus mages. The difference between them and your previous master’s social standing was high enough to make the latter jealous. Dorian was truly a surprise to see inside the Skyhold.

“Pardon my curiosity, my lord, but are you a magister?” You were out of social circles for many years and thus, were unaware of many changes. What would happened if the Inquisition was allied with the Imperium or even Archon himself?

“This questionable privilege belongs to my father.” He snickered in amusement.

You nodded, revaluating him. You decided to answer. “I see. Still, if you were to encounter an elf with lyrium markings on his body, I advise you to run.”

Varric laughed. “Don’t make that face, Sparkler. Our friend doesn’t like mages. And even more the ones from Tevinter.”

“Are you talking about the one from your book? Fenris, was it?”

“The same.” Varric answered. “He came as a guardian to this Cub.” Varric put his hand on your back, apparently showing you off.

“Oh. So, you’re the one that escaped with him? The other servant?”

You decided to imply he was right by simply smiling politely. You neglected to introduce yourself after he gave his name, simply to check his reaction. Since you realized he disregarded your lack of decorum, he significantly rose in your eyes. “I apologise, I never introduced myself.” You bowed. “My name is Valentina Decmitia.”

“Ah.” Dorian gasped. “Decmitia, like the sister to the Dark Divine?” He asked with shock.

Your face froze in your smile. You were unaware that someone could make the connection. Your mother, Parthenia Decmitia was married to a rich Laetan, even though her own family had much more prestigious lineage than Decmitia. Her brother, Urian Nihalias, became the Dark Divine just a year before you’d escaped.

The only reason you knew how your uncle became the Dark Divine was because you helped him yourself. You were given to Danarius to rise your family status, in hopes of rising a powerful mage. After you lost your power as a mage, you were ordered to seek out a way for your uncle through your visions. This way, with money and your master’s support, Nihalias House was finally at the top.

It wasn’t a surprise that your uncle was made the Dark Divine, but his surname was different. Decmitia still didn’t matter, despite your mother’s House previous assurances. Usually you introduced yourself without the second thought and no one was any the wiser.

“We are of one blood since she is my mother,” you confirmed. The fear from your vision changed into an anger at the thought of your old family. “However, they put me in the care of the magister who took my sight away from me.” You coldly added while raising your hand to brush away a few locks which maybe hid your blind eyes a little. Your opinion about Dorian quickly fell. “Do you believe I should consider them family, when their power was more important than my health?”

“Ah. Frankly, I am the last person who would say that. Although, your situation-” He stumbled. “Let’s just say there are some cruel rumours about Tevinter which are terrifyingly true.”

“Don’t let it worry you, Sparkler. Cub here is stronger than most.” Varric probably waved carelessly his hand, though your face did not betray any thoughts.

“Certainly, it looks that way.” He cleared his throat. “I must leave for now, if you’ll excuse me.”

You bowed your head in his direction. “It was nice meeting you, Lord Dorian.”

“Yes, likewise Lady Valentina. Vitae benefaria.”

"Ad Aedifex donante." You answered.

You heard his footsteps going away and one of your brows rose. There are gossips about you being from Tevinter. It was dangerous.

“Are you going to bond with Sparkler over your situation? Is that a thing now?” Varric joked.

You snorted lightly, trying not to think of how much information you gave away to the Tevinter mage. “Can we just go? I believe my hour is gone as of now.”

The two of you walked to the war room. Varric tried to lighten you up with a short story of how he and the Inquisitor were ambushed by giant spiders. Terrible indeed.

“Lady Valentina-” You heard Josephine speak, but you quickly rose your hand.

“I believe I have to apologise. I showed you something unsightly.”

“There is no need to worry, Lady Valentina.” Josephine spoke again. “Varric, will you excuse us?”

“I was going to, but one of you will better safely escort her back.” He said, a teasing yet sharp tone entering his voice.

“Of course.” Their ambassador agreed and the door behind Varric closed. “There is only the four of us today, like you wished. Would you like to sit down?”

You shook your head. “No, I want the worst part over quickly. I’m sure that you want to know what happened as well. You will tell me more about your Fade expert and I will try to interpret what I saw. Do you agree?”

Maybe because your screams were still livid in their memory but they agreed without a single protest.

“Solas came to us when the Breach had just opened.” Leliana told you. “He said that he was nearby due to the Conclave, but we have no means to know whether that’s true or not. He stabilized the Mark of Andraste, healed the Inquisitor and theorized that the Mark can close the rifts. He has no affiliation with any Dalish clan that I managed to get in contact with.”

They clearly forgot that you couldn’t see that he was an elf, but at least you managed to get it out of the context. Come to think of it, his name sounded just like one of the cities in Tevinter. Although you actually knew quite little about the naming habits of the elves, it certainly wasn’t picked with Tevene in mind. Maybe a meaning was different in Elven. Something to check later?

“He isn’t fond of Dalish.” Inquisitor cut in. “He doesn’t seem to agree with our faith and rituals.”

“He’s from the Circle then?” You mused. It might make sense.

“He isn’t.” Leliana protested. “He claims to be self-taught, wandering apostate. His knowledge comes from the Fade apparently.”

“Yeah, Solas likes to share his stories.” Adala said in a lighter tone, something soft entering her voice. “He sleeps in the places where the Veil is thin and talks to spirits.”

You twitched. A self-taught mage that seeks out contact with Fade? Your hunch said somniari and you liked the last one you met. That’s why, when Leliana asked you if you know something you didn't tell them. “He sounds suspicious. Are you sure it is wise to keep him in Skyhold?” No somniari would be safe in between mages and Templars. Plus, you would like to never saw Solas again. Win-win, right?

“He is the one who told us how to find Skyhold.” Adala protested. “And he healed me. I won’t chase him out without any proof.”

“So be it.” You stayed silent for a moment, trying to puzzle the pieces of information you had. However, with more you knew, the less you were sure what to make of Solas. You sighed. “At first I thought he was a Circle mage and something terrible happened to him; whether during Harrowing or before. Now, I’m not sure it is about his past. I think what I saw is a sign he could be a powerful mage given a dozen or so years.”

“Lady Valentina,” Leliana spoke up, while Josephine coughed. “While we may have little information on Solas, he looks around his late forties.”

“Oh.” You frowned, more focused on the riddle than their worries if you are offended. “He should already be in his prime, but this Tevinter mage I met, Lord Dorian, had clearly more power than him.” As Leliana noticed, while power generally rose the more proficient the mage was, it decreased when their body started to age. Studies confirmed for the mages to have the most power between 20 and 40, while 25 year was believed to be the best for long-term experiments related to mages abilities.

“You can _see_ their power?” Cullen spoke for the first time that day. You frowned at the way he accented the word, but decided to not make a fuss. It was his problem if he had any trouble with believing you.

There was no point in hiding anything from them. And if it helped the Inquisition, it kind of helped Varric.

“I can feel them.” You only corrected him. “Lord Dorian has quite the talent. But I digress. If I didn’t see his future power, then it was his death.” You let that sink it. It was a possibility after all.

Josephine gasped, but Adala quickly followed with a nervous question. “What do you mean by his death?”

“He isn’t dying right now, if that is what you are worried about.” You quickly reassured. “But when his death comes, it won’t be pleasant. It might also have significant impact on-” You frown. “The world? I’m not sure how, but it was powerful enough.” It was one way to explain how strong your vision was. Still, you didn't believe in it.

“He is a mage from the Inner Circle,” Leliana commented. “If it happens during combat...”

“Then it might lead to the death of Lady Adala when she is distracted.” You finished, nodding your head. Leliana was scarily quick-witted. “That is if my theory is correct.”

“No way.” Adala rejected the thought. “I won’t let Solas- no, any of my friends die.”

“That is exactly what are we talking about.” Leliana sighed. “Inquisitor, you have more responsibility than only protecting your companions. If you die, it may mean the end of our world. Even though the Breach is closed, rifts still remain. With you gone, Corypheus may find a way to open one of them and no one would be able to stop him.”

There was a long silence that followed. You imagined that everyone tried to picture the world without Inquisitor just like Leliana presented. You let them take all the time they needed, while your body tensed.

“Does that mean Solas is the first to die from my friends?” Adala asked in a shaking voice.

“Probably.” You nodded. You forced your shoulders down, relaxing the muscles on your face, but keeping the slight crease between your eyebrows. You waited for one question.

“Are those the only interpretation you can think of?” Leliana asked. “Either something terrible happened in his past or he will die a painful death?”

“Yes.” You answered. There was not even a single muscle that moved out of place on your face.

You are a filthy, filthy liar.

There was another option. You knew that you never felt vision like that, so powerful. You were never in the middle of the darkness. It was something you didn’t see till now.

Your own death. It sounded the most credibly to you, given the form of the vision. Why would he want to kill you?

“If I can, I would like to meet with Serah Solas again.” You said. Not that you wanted, but it was the only way. You had to try to change his mind. “Another look may ascertain what I saw and since my visions rarely appear twice the same way, I am quite safe.” You’ve pushed the thought of the last reoccurring vision out of your mind. Certainly, it wasn’t the time for your personal grievance.

“I will talk to him about that.” Adala told you, clearly being down.

Unfortunately, the meeting wasn’t over. You opened your eyes to look at Adala. Her Mark shined in green, while its power drifted from her hand and formed a sphere in the air. You observed how it flew for a moment before shooting upwards to the sky. Or rather, to the nothingness. You shared your vision and you find out that you might have just saw Corypheus’ orb.

You were surprised that the ominous feeling you got the last time didn’t show up. Considering it, you proposed to Adala to try another reading at a later date. Her Advisors backed you up, although the Inquisitor herself sounded quite eager.

You tried your visions with the advisors. Josephine had a ring on her finger that broke, but she wasn’t married or engaged. You saw Leliana in the chantry and found out that she wanted to be a sister once. You didn’t like what you saw when you looked at Cullen.

He had a mist flying around his head. At first it was just a grey colour, like a sign that someone had a lot on mind. Then it changed to light blue, just like lyrium. It kept trying to find a way inside him, but to no avail.

“Commander, is there something wrong with lyrium at Skyhold?”

“W-What?” He stuttered.

“Maybe your supplies are not enough?”

“Lady Valentina, I believe that you are picking at confidential matters of the Inquisition.” Leliana intercepted.

“We are extremely thankful for your assistance.” Josephine followed up. “We hope that you will enjoy your stay at Skyhold. Should there be any problems, please, address them to me.”

You nodded. They politely kicked you out, but you understood. “Of course.” You curtsied.

Adala was the one to escort you to the main hall. There, you found “Varric’s corner” as she named it. Varric was glad to see you and invited you on a tour to meet his friends.

Rather, those where all Inquisitor’s companions. Varric mentioned someone called Vivienne, but you only looked at her light from the distance. You spoke briefly with a gentleman named Blackwall, though your nose twitched from a close distance to the stables. It wasn’t your fault that your senses were heighted ever since you lost your vision. Then, you met with Seeker Cassandra. She didn’t like Varric who was probably a little afraid of her, but she was quite interested in you. Since she was the only other person who was aware of your powers, you gave her a short explanation as to why Varric’s books omitted your involvement and pictured you as Danarius’ servant. She had an enjoyable voice in your opinion.

Later, you entered the tavern and found Fenris. According to Varric, he was staring (you believed more accurate was glaring) at Qunari. His name was Iron Bull and you immediately liked him for his easy-going character. He ruffled your hair with his big hand to tease you. A loud laughter interrupted you from above which was the first noise you had heard from Sera. She was unexpectedy blunt and when you answered at her unrefined joke in kind, she decided she liked you. Then, she got in a fight with Fenris. Varric pulled you away, saying that they will either clear the air or hate each other forever and you giggled. He had amusing friends.

“There is one more person I want you to meet.” Varric said with a smile in his voice.

You climbed the stairs with him, before you saw a figure.

“A possession?” You heard your thoughts, but you weren't the one to say them. “But there is only one.” The young voice came from the light. It was comfortable like the spirits from the Fade, without the compulsion to give away your power, but its form was more stabilised. Were he possessed, you would notice the other power’s remnants mixed with his or entirely separate source.

“He’s Cole.” Varric told you. “Kid, this is my friend. She sometimes has a troubled mind.”

“He’s more real than he should be.” Then, Cole’s voice changed. “I am here to help. You don’t have to worry about me.”

He was completely different than Anders and Justice. Your heart squeezed at the memory, but you tried to focus to collect your thoughts. You’ve never met spirit outside of the Fade who could read thoughts. Does he understand the power you have?

“No. I am sorry.”

You nodded. You wanted someone to understand your troubles, but as always, you had to rely on your own experience with interpreting your visions. Speaking of...

“You don’t have to be afraid of him. He doesn’t want you dead.”

You gasped. Spirits didn’t lie, unless they were corrupted. You had seen the corruption in person, but Cole was clearly pure. Were you truly safe from Solas? Is he entirely sure?

“I-I think so.” He hesitated. “He wants to know more about you.”

“I’m glad you are getting along,” Varric interrupted, his voice suddenly tired. “But I think it is the time for dinner.”

“She shouldn’t need to live with worry.” Cole added.

“That is true, Kid.” Varric sighed. “Come on, Cub, let’s get you something good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tevene:  
> Vitae benefaria - A respectful goodbye  
> Ad Aedifex donante - translation from latin, as per google translate: "Go with God's blessing", except it's Maker  
> The entire exchange is meant to be a goodbye between well-educated Tevinter's citizen's.
> 
> On another note: I formated this chapter later but I'm still not sure if it is without mistakes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More time with Hawke & Fenris than I had originally expected.  
> And a little debate which was terrible to write and read.

You had a week till Inquisitor Adala was going to the Crestwood. You, Fenris, Varric and Hawke were going with her. She was supposed to bring two other companions, but didn’t choose anyone yet.

Fenris and Sera seemed to accept each other; that is ignore one another as long as they can. In the evening, you were sitting at the table with your friends when Iron Bull, Sera and Blackwall joined in. Varric proposed the Wicked Grace as always and Hawke sat you on her lap to make place for others. You protested right away.

“Surely, there must be enough space for everyone to sit properly.” You said, frowning your forehead. Your friend knew you weren’t pleased whenever they treated you like overgrown pet, yet Hawke only squeezed her arms harder around your midsection.

“Nah, you’re not getting away now.” Varric told you. “She had to leave Ser Arf in the stables and you’re the perfect height for a replacement.”

The joke of your height missed you when you straightened in attention at the mention of Hawke’s mabari.

“They don’t allow mabari inside Skyhold?” You asked with concern.

A few people at the table snorted at once and you wondered even more what was wrong.

“Surprisingly they still do.” Blackwall answered you. “Except this one.”

“You see, Cub,” Varric started in a tone of voice which made you sure he was either lying or about to tell something so ridiculous, although true, it better would have been a lie. “For all the love Ferelden’s have for their big dogs, they do not seem to appreciate when a cute pup crashes the party.”

You frowned, seeking the real story between his vague words. “Ser Arf destroyed something at a ball?”

“Pfft, the look on their faces, right?” Sera cackled in her own special kind of laughter.

“There was no actual damage!” Hawke protested. You managed no to flinch at her loud voice close to your ear and she thankfully quietened it. “He scared a lot of nobles running next to them which apparently is an outrage for their delicate masked asses.”

You shook your head. Weren’t they talking about the Ferelden’s just a second ago?

“The noble, who complained the most, was sure Ser Arf was after his own mabari.” Varric explained. “Apparently, she was out of his league. Can’t believe that’s true for mabari as much as for people.”

Hawke’s arms were restraining your movements well, but you managed to hide your mouth behind your hand just as the giggles escaped you. A mabari crashing the party, scaring and offending the nobles in his enthusiasm. Knowing Ser Arf, you could not only believe it, but also imagine it. There was only one thing that didn’t fit. You decided to try and calm yourself to ask your friend about it.

“Hawke,” Fenris was going to call her out, so you gave up trying to tame your laughter. Hawke’s arms squeezed you harder in response. “Were you playing with Ser Arf?”

She faked a shocked gasp. “Of course, I was! What kind of monster do you believe me to be?”

You wiped your tears. Hawke’s favourite thing to play with her mabari was a game of “go find something”. The “something” was never specified and Ser Arf always came back with whatever he could find at the moment. You specially remembered the time when he had wanted to bring a whole cake. Hawke had cried out in something similar to a hysterical laughter so the mabari tried to deliver the cake to you. He dirtied you with a cream while a plate in his muzzle was empty. When you didn’t take his present, he tried with Hawke again, pressing his body to yours and getting even more cream on you. It seemed like the cake was everywhere except for the plate. Hawke’s laughter was understandable, but you mostly had been glad to not be the one to wash him afterwards.

“Shame to lock him up. Mabari are intelligent beasts.” Blackwall said while Sera laughed again.

“Poor Ser Arf.” You smiled at Hawke. “To have such a cruel mistress.”

She gasped again. “You too, sister?”

“Always.” You promised.

The talk about her mabari let you release a little of a tension you had carried. Despite only seeing her once during last four years, the familiar topic made you at ease. It seemed as if nothing changed despite the separation. Almost like nothing happened in Kirkwall.

Your heart squeezed in pain and you focused on the listening to your companions. You didn’t want to remember now.

There was one good thing out of sitting on Hawke’s lap. Your legs were elevated above the floor, allowing your tired feet to rest. You waved them a little from time to time, especially when the bard started singing.

Up to this point, the bard only repeatedly played unfinished melody, a really relaxing one, but it bugged you that they couldn’t find the perfect ending. When the music changed, you tensed with attention.

> “Find me, still searching
> 
> for someone to lead me.
> 
> Can you guide me
> 
> to the revolt inside me?
> 
> Promise surviving the Breach...”

Surprisingly, you realise the song is well written. The bard had a nice, embracing voice and you wonder if she could manage more delicate piece. The lyrics weren’t inspiring a lot of hope, but it seemed to have the power to remind about loved ones. Your family was going to be your strength.

The tingling in the air made you move your head. Something in front of you was hoping for your attention.

You opened your eyes. Sera shrieked.

“Maker...” Blackwall murmured just on the edge of your hearing.

“Her eyes are wrong!” Sera exclaimed.

“Watch it!” Hawke’s voice was clearly showing how offended she felt.

You frowned when the greyness of your world waved around you. What was it? Soon, you realised that those were actual sea waves and your eyes widened. Waves became more visible and you realised that a dark, horned silhouette was in front of them. It was a qunari standing in front of the storm. Then, the vision changed. On one side stood proud qunari, but his hands were covered with blood. The red was strikingly overwhelming the whole side of the vision. On the other, the qunari was sitting stooped while some people behind him were cheering him up. Their smiles were the only recognizable feature on their silhouettes.

You quickly closed your eyes.

You rarely saw the clear paths as it was in this particular case. It meant a choice in the future. None was bad from outsiders' point of view, but both would hurt him. A beach and small object floating on the water – turned upside-down boat? You lightly shook your head to free your mind.

“I apologise.” You said. “I forget the sight is allegedly disturbing.”

“Andraste’s balls, she’s not a demon or sumthing, right?” Sera continued.

A growl rose to your right, together with a familiar electric feeling. “She’s not a mage.” Fenris spoke up, his anger deepening his voice dangerously. You were glad it wasn’t you in trouble. “So she can’t be an abomination either.”

“Woah!” She exclaimed. “Don’t go fricking glowy on me! She’s the creepy one!”

You’ve felt Hawke tense before she spoke. “Keep your thoughts to yourself or I will take your tongue.” She threatened.

You bit your lower lip, worrying. It wasn’t good for anyone if your family were to lash out at the Inquisition’s forces. You were also aware that the music and the chatter characteristic to the tavern ended.

“Let’s keep this civil, folks!” Varric intervened, no doubt aware of the same thing as you. “Cub here is only a human. Nothing to get your panties in a twist, Buttercup.”

“Ew. Stay out of my pants, you.” She protested.

“Sera.” Calm voice of Iron Bull spoke up next to you. “Do you think Cullen would have let her in if she wasn’t human?”

“I don’t know! Not like they do anything with that weird spirit up there!”

“Surprisingly good point.” Blackwall noted.

“Right?”

“The white in her eyes is just signalling her blindness.” Bull, out of all people, explained. “No demons here.”

“But it looks shiny!” In Sera’s voice hid a growing amount of doubt.

“That’s the lightning’s fault.” Varric supplied quickly. Once again in your life, you praised his lying abilities in your head.

“Take a good look, Sera.” Bull continued. “With those frail arms do you think she can hurt a fly?”

You chuckled, seemingly at the thought, but it was an effort to further release the tension. With you, Varric and, suspiciously, Iron Bull, you had a shot at quickly establishing peace.

“I can barely walk by myself, Sera.” You admitted the truth to hide the other part of yourself. “That’s not really a desirable attribute for dangerous creatures. I can’t save myself if my life depended on it.”

“See?” Varric asked. “Nothing scary here. All of us can just _calm down_.”

You breathed out a small sight of relief when Sera finally agreed.

“Hawke, Fenris, it’s alright.” You said.

Fenris growled, but the lyrium in him quietened. Hawke’s fingers dug into your arm.

“Apologize to Valentina.” She said.

You’ve cursed your loyal family in your mind. They really should have just let it go. You mentally noted to once again try to force some danger instinct into Hawke.

“Whut? I’ve said nothing wrong.” Thank the Maker, Sera was more confused than angry.

“You’ve called her-”

You quickly cut into Hawke’s sentence. “I’m alright.” You strongly emphasised. “Let bygones be bygones.”

With a non-convincing shrug and “if you say so” Hawke finally let it go.

“Come on Broody, don’t brood.” Varric said to Fenris. You smiled reassuringly in response. You were truly fine. It’s not like Sera was the first person who freaked out at your sight. However, while threatening worked quickly in Kirkwall, the forces were on Inquisition’s side in Skyhold.

“But you’re weird, you know.” Sera pointed out with a loud voice. Hawke tensed again. “Like Coryphagus weird.”

You snorted at the name and felt the muscles around you relaxing as well. “I am hardly as difficult to kill at least.”

“True that.” She agreed.

Others laughed at the exchange, although Hawke didn’t sound amused while Fenris stayed terrifyingly quiet, and the game along with the tavern’s chatter resumed.

“Hawke, you sure you don’t want to join?” Varric asked after a few more rounds.

“I told you I’m broke.” She whined.

“We will lower the stakes, come on.”

“Speak for yourself.” Bull laughed. He was winning after all.

“And how can I say no to your handsome chest?” Hawke sighed dramatically. “I’m going to die of hunger, you scoundrel.”

“What a quick change of mind.” You commented.

Varric picked up the teasing from you, while Hawke manoeuvred you onto the bench between her and Bull. His gigantic arm was moving against your own and you found out the qunari had a higher body temperature than humans.

“So there was enough space.” You murmured, teared between not wanting to interrupt Varric and executing your own revenge.

* * *

At some point, you started falling asleep; your chin tried very hard to connect with your chest. It was understandable: between many visions and the stress from the last two days, you were still exhausted. After hiding a yawn for what it seemed like a hundred time, you felt Bull’s hand guiding your head to his side. Or somewhere over there. To be honest, everything about him seemed to be big.

Of course, Varric wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t comment on that. “Cub may look and behave like a child, but let me warn you, Tiny: she is 27.”

Yes, you probably looked like a child seeking the parents’ warmth, you got the memo. So what? It was surprisingly nice for an impromptu pillow.

“Yeah,” you muttered. “And you’re a dick, but I love you.”

There was something satisfying in the knowledge that you could say such charmless words and not to be disciplined.

“Sorry, Bianca is a jealous lover.”

“And you’re short.”

“I’m a dwarf, Cub. It kinda goes together.”

Hawke snickered. You groaned slightly. “Your writing sucks.” You continued, not going to admit defeat.

“How could you know that?” Varric asked with true curiosity.

“Fenris read me the Champion of Kirkwall. And I do not look like lithe ghost. Nor he.”

Hawke started giggling, but then the sound was muffled. She probably clasped her hand on her mouth. Good, you were still not done.

“What?” Sera spoke up in confusion. “How do you know?”

You smiled. Finally, some safe truth. “I wasn’t born blind and I met Fenris before I’d lost my sight.”

“Hold on, I’ve heard something interesting.” Varric commented. “Broody, you read my books?”

“I gave up after that one.” Your brother said. “Hawke agreed that I can read more ambitious positions.”

He certainly was smirking. He was always on your side, after all. You were glad Fenris picked up on your tiredness and didn’t make a fuss of hugging the qunari. Or was it because unlike other qunari you two had met, this one was actually helpful?

“You know how it is, Varric,” Hawke spoke up, but her voice was trembling from stifled laughter. “I needed to get him something light to read for the start.”

“You wound me, Hawke.” Varric mustered his most pitiful voice.

“Not like your work wounded my ears.” You quickly shot, catching the opportunity. It wasn’t true and both of you know that. However, you pretended just for the sake of this ridiculous argument.

“Ouch! An arrow through my heart!”

The retort was on your tongue before you even realised. “At least that one was better aimed than your bolts.”

Varric groaned, so you grinned in victory. “What did I do to deserve it?”

“You called me a child.” You reminded him. “I’m not.”

“I believe you can be mature if you want to.” Fenris said with an amusement you heard clearly.

“Thank you.” You smiled in Bull’s side, ignoring clearly unsaid _even if you are not right now_.

* * *

You had no idea who won, though your bet would be on Fenris, because you eventually did fall asleep. You stirred when you were carried away somewhere. The scent and large hands informed you that it was Bull, which you didn’t mind in the slightest. He had no reason to hurt you as of now and after the incident with Solas, you felt at ease just knowing you were away from the elf.

“Where are we going?” You muttered.

“To bed. Too bad it’s yours. I usually carry women to my own.”

You chuckled and blushed slightly. It seemed like the part of the night when you are a big pet didn’t end. “I appreciate your thoughtfulness, but you could have woken me up. Though I would still require a guide.”

“That’s why my way is quicker.” He said with amusement. “And you’re tired anyway.”

Fortunately, your body didn’t tense at the hard truth. You carefully traced back every conversation you had with him, continuing casual conversation.

“I do enjoy it, but I can’t rely on you like that. I need to learn where is what in the Skyhold or I would need a guide all the time.” You explained with a small yawn.

“Do you always remember places this way?”

“Mhm. After three years in Kirkwall I was able to walk alone on the streets like a normal person. A great moment for someone like me.” You remembered with a smile. For three years you could rarely go out since you needed Fenris as a guide. He gathered looks and you were hiding from Danarius, so it was difficult. That's why you were usually staying in an abandoned house that you claimed yours.

No, no, no. Your focus should have been elsewhere. Specifically, on a reason Iron Bull, a qunari, was so familiar with blind people. He read and led the conversation with ease. His voice betrayed no doubt that he wouldn’t let a fight break out between Inquisition and Kirkwall’s Champion under his watch.

Maker, you really didn’t like the answer.

Bull chuckled. “Skyhold is a little smaller. You will get it in no time.”

“Thanks.” You honestly said.

You were barely awake when later Bull encountered someone. A flair was in your mind, but it wasn’t as great as Dorian’s. It looked familiar for some reason.

It didn’t matter much. You reminded herself that Bull had no reason to let someone hurt you at the moment. You could doze off safely.

“Can I help you, Iron Bull?”

He groaned. “I can’t find Varric’s room. I am supposed to drop off this lady, but he gave me the wrong directions.”

“I see. My room is not that far from his. Allow me to gather my things.” For a few seconds of shuffling no one said anything. “How did you end up as a carrier?” Mage asked with a clear amusement when they were walking.

“An evening of Wicked Grace with beer always ends the same way.” Bull noticed. “Varric was persistent that someone carries her since he can’t. And this one’s so called protector disappeared with his girlfriend.”

“Maybe the fool would finally propose to her.” You grumbled. It was your first thought when you recently spoke of Hawke and Fenris together.

“Weren’t you supposed to be asleep?” Bull asked with a little tease in his voice.

“Shouldn’t you notice my breathing pattern changing or something, Hissrad?” You countered still half asleep.

“I wasn’t aware that this information went outside Inner Circle,” said mage.

“Neither did I.” Bull added in much less amused tone, his muscles slightly clenching in a warning.

“Oh, come on.” You muzzled your face in his neck. He was really reminding you of a big bear you’d had as a kid. “Don’t threaten me with your voice. You know, I partly guessed.” His arms relaxed, but you continued. “And you said so earlier that you are Qunari. Why would someone under the Qun go to the Skyhold if not to spy? No one from Antaam would be here alone and no Tallis would show yourself like that. Plus, you knew when I was tired or worried. Most people are awkward with someone blind, but you read me.” You emphasised.

“Most people would assume I have spoken about qunari because of _horns_.” Bull shot back, but this time he was joking.

“Well, you could be Vashoth. Like I said, it was just a guess.” You shrugged with one shoulder. “Besides people use only their eyes to see. You know it.”

“Sometimes they don’t even use their eyes.”

“It’s sad, but true.” You agreed. “They notice the things they want and expect.” The feeling to say your mind appeared and you yielded quickly. “Your name doesn’t fit for Hissrad, but I consider it nice, all in all. The Iron Bull.”

He huffed in amusement and you yawned. “Sorry. That’s my final cue. Goodnight.”

“’Night, Tina.” Bull answered.

You’ve barely registered: _Varric’s room is here_ and _Thanks, Solas_. You were just pleasantly buried in warmth, so what could possibly be more important right now? Absolutely nothing.

* * *

When you’ve woken up, you heard someone walking in the room. It was Varric, who informed you that he and Hawke arranged rooms; you were in the one with the dwarf, just because Fenris wouldn’t allow you to sleep alone, which was reasonable. You were also enthusiastic to find out that Fenris doesn’t know that there are more available rooms. Your friends basically forced your protector away from you, straight to Hawke’s bed. You giggled madly.

“Please, tell me he finally proposed!”

“Hold your horses, Cub. We’re far from that.”

You grumbled a little, while Varric helped you comb your hair.

“So, you and Tiny?” He asked suggestively.

“Maybe, if he really was tiny.” You laughed. “But no. He is a good person though. A little scary, but I don’t mind much. He’s too warm for me to worry that he could squeeze to death.” For a Hissrad he was really pleasant, though it wasn't something you would tell Varric.

“I’m glad. You won’t be bored when Inquisitor drags me away.”

You nodded. Since you will stay for a long time even after journey to the Crestwood, you would like some companionship.

“It was nice that he carried me to your room or rather, our room now.” You smiled, before you remembered what happened. Your body froze. “Maker.” You pulled your knees to your chest. “Varric, if a mage burst through this door right now and makes me his exercise target, would you protect me? Try to shoot once or twice?”

“Who did you offend this time?” Varric asked, amused by your behaviour. He didn’t even stop working on your hair.

“I didn’t.” You protested. “But the one to show Bull a way to your room was him.” You hiss as if his name was forbidden. You fell silent for a second, your mature side taking over your panicked mind. You never explained why you screamed at Solas. “This mage of yours, Solas, will kill me.” You said matter-of-factly.

“Come on, Cub. Chuckles wouldn’t hurt you.” Varric snorted at the thought.

“I felt it, Varric. I should have gone to him, apologised and acted like a nice, mindless woman.” Not point out to Ben-Hassrath that his cover is weak, you ended in your mind. Come to think of it, this wasn’t your smartest action. You really would hate to gather his unnecessary attention.

“Look, Cub,” Varric turned you to him. It’s not like it allowed you to see his serious face but it did have a meaning that you could understand. “Chuckles is the least dangerous mage I've met. He is interested in spirits in a not-Blondie way, thank the Maker.” You twitched, surprised that Varric would bring him up, but both of you ignored it. “He has weird style, curses Dalish and hates tea. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

“I don't know, I don't trust people who hate tea.” You joked weakly. “I know how does it look like to you, but I just don't get him. The Inquisition’s spymaster couldn't find anything on him, that's suspicious.”

“Maybe it's because there is nothing to find.” Varric slowly said, a little annoyed by you.

You sighed. “I hope you are right. I don't want to be killed.”

“You won't. Come on, I will get you to Chuckles after breakfast.”

You cursed Varric and argued, but eventually you stopped in front of the door to Solas' “rotunda”, if you could believe any of Varric's words. You wanted to knock, hesitated and backed out. Varric furiously hissed at you to man out, so you equally furiously answered that he should have dropped it. Finally, you gathered whatever pride you had left and knocked. A voice indicated you to come in and you did, relieved to hear your friend's footsteps behind you.

“Master Thetras. Lady Valentina. Is there something I can help you with?”

Why, oh why did he have such a calm and polite voice? You were sure your face displayed your fear and your unease. Maybe you should have just let him kill you, so at least it will be over with?

Your silence was taking longer than it should, so Varric hurried to save your skin. “She prefers just her name. Or the nickname created by yours truly, Cub.”

“Cub, was it? I was sure I heard Tina, last night.”

Maker have mercy. Why exactly the man who was fated to kill you, had to tease you till you blushed?

Varric made a sound suspiciously similar to restrained laughter. “Maybe Tiny had to shorten her name so it would fit on a little thing like her. Tiny and Tina, is it?” He was no help after all. Traitor.

“Serah S-Solas," your voice trembled. “I apologise for my behaviour. I hope I can make up to you for any bad memories that I might have created.”

“There is no need as I am not bothered by it.” He answered with a hint of lingering amusement.

“See, Cub?” Varric patted your back. “Alright. You two have fun, I have some letters from my editor to open. Take care of her, Chuckles.”

You paled. You heard Varric's steps and a silence came after he closed the door. For a moment you only wondered why did your friend leave you without your cane? Did he not notice when he was forcefully dragging you out of the room that you didn’t manage to grab it? Sure, you sometimes moved without it, but either in the familiar place or locking arms with others. You would never choose out of your own will to be in this particular situation.

Cursing Varric in your mind, you focused on a bigger problem in front of you. You couldn't know what was going on in Solas' head, but memories from your first meeting flashed in your head. He could easily kill you now. Your legs trembled and you held mouth tightly together, in fear that you would betray your thoughts.

“Would you like to take a sit, Lady Valentina?” He asked. You gulped; your mind blank. “There is a couch behind you. Allow me to guide you.”

You nodded and felt a hand raising your own. Your body was even more stiff when you had to touch him. He turned you around, slowly taking a few steps. Your feet brushed fabric, so you leaned forward to ascertain where the surface is so you could sit down. When Solas walked by you, you barely heard any sound. With a small wave of wind came a slight smell of grass and a prickling feeling on your skin. You shuddered slightly while he took a place next to you.

“I-” You cleared your throat, before trying again. “I would also like to ask for forgiveness for Fenris.”

“I assure you, I do not harbour any ill-feelings towards both of you. On the contrary, I admire how faithful your friends are. Do they mind your special ability?” His calmness unnerved you.

You shook your head. “No. I do not use it in their presence frequently either. They know that I will tell them if I see something significant. If they seek counsel, it is like between regular friends.” You took a deep breath and were trying to keep your mind working as usual. If he couldn’t frighten you, you could safely lie about anything.

“Do you not use your gift to help them?” He was surprised and you frowned a little at that. “It should give them a better clue than a counsel which can be given by anyone.”

Your face cleared in understanding as you thought his words over. This man didn’t have a lot of friends. Feeling as if you now have advantage, your muscles relaxed.

“No, they need to experience certain things for themselves. Imagine a situation: my friend wants to know if they should take this particular job. I will tell them if they have the necessary skills for it, obviously only in my opinion, but I won’t warn them what would happen while they do it. I don’t want to tell them how to live their life. It is their choice. Of course, if I see that they might be seriously injured, I would tell them this future. That way they can avoid harm. Am I clearer now?”

“Are you worried that you would take away their free will?” It was your turn to be surprised. He listened carefully and figured out more than you were willing to share. You chose to stay silent while you made sure your face is clear of emotions. “It is truly praise worthy. Even though you could easily manipulate others.”

A shudder went down your back. He was fishing, but you weren’t going to bite. “I can only assume that you’ve heard of Seers who trick people. However, I am not one of them. When I guide people to the particular future, it is only to make sure they would be safe.”

“My apologies, it seems I have offended you.” His voice sounded sincere. You weren’t going to believe in that.

“Don’t let it bother you, Serah Solas. I am fine.” You lied with a polite smile.

“Then, I am glad.”

The tense silence stressed you even more. You needed a subject to talk about. “You are an expert on the Fade, yes?” Maker, you were terrible. “What do you think of the Mark?”

Fortunately, Solas took upon himself to direct further conversation. You only needed to throw a few questions here and there while he more or less enthusiastically explained everything. There wasn’t many new information. The orb bestowed the Mark on the Inquisitor. Since the Mark can close the rifts, maybe the orb can restore the whole Veil at once. Probably it can destroy the Veil, but Corypheus doesn’t know how to use it. You’ve started discussing the Veil itself and he surprised you.

“It was only my assumption, but no one ever managed to explain if and how Veil was created.” You told him.

“You are correct. If we assume it needs a large amount of power it is the most logical to use something to focus it.”

“So, it is possible with something like foci and if it is possible, I do believe it wasn’t done by the Maker but an existence powerful enough to be seen alike to a god.” You frowned, thinking. “Then, since Veil didn’t always exist, we have to assume it’s creation disrupted the world’s order.”

He fell into silence and you tilted your head. Before you could say something, he continued. “I believe so as well.” Something in his voice shook you and tempted you to open your eyes. You resisted, not wanting to see another vision about him. “Aren’t you an Andrastian? Why do you believe someone else created the Veil?”

You were surprised and you felt your face showing it. Wasn’t he many steps ahead of you in the conversation? How come he was asking you questions? Personal at that. “I do believe in the Maker, although I think Chantry only shows what they want to be seen. Faith aside, I always wanted to explain why Spirits were easily corrupted outside of Fade and the creation of the Veil was the most logical explanation.”

It never made sense to you. Spirits had been clearly created by a gathering of human emotions; the greater emotions, the greater power. It has been widely known, based on examples like strong demons of Despair in the Fade-counterparts of dungeons where many were tortured out of their minds. However, pure Spirits were never corrupted while people dreamt; it was only when they were met with people in the waking world. It seemed like it wasn’t interacting with people which corrupted them, not with their minds at least. Since the Spirits always wandered everywhere in the Fade, it didn’t make sense for them to not being accustomed to the waking world or people’s bodies. The Fade worked as a mirror; the waking world should be familiar to them.

The difference between two realms might have explained that or rather the difference which was created artificially, not originally there. Following this line of thoughts, you had theorized that the Veil wasn’t always between both dimensions. Rather, it was one, before the creation of the Veil disrupted it.

The theory was ridiculous for you, but it was just one of many things you sometimes thought about. It may have been a way to pass the time; until you actually got something which could possibly support your claim.

“Interesting point of view. You believe the corruption is connected to the waking world rather than human emotions, as if the creation of Demons and corruption of Spirits have different causes.”

He understood what you had yet to say based on his knowledge and only one sentence. You’d earlier thought he was two steps ahead; now, you felt as if he could read your thoughts. Solas was more dangerous, than you had believed; he was a cunning and intelligent beast. You’ve opened your eyes, shocked by this realization.

The visions came immediately. A few flashes passed quickly before you. The only thing you clearly saw was a garden full of flowers. There were even blue roses, which you weren’t sure that could exist. The sight itself was eerily familiar.

You tried to focus when you could have saw it, but your head was pierced by a pain. You moaned and put your fingers on your temple, closing your eyes.

“Are you alright, lady Valentina?” Solas immediately asked, so you rose your hand, waving dismissively.

“I apologize, the visions were a little unexpected and too quick.” You put your hand above your heart. “I just need to catch my breath.”

He gave you a time to recover and as you calmed down, you knew your greed couldn’t be stopped anymore.

“I believe I have underestimated you, Serah.” You said, once again smiling politely. “I didn’t know there is someone with such knowledge.”

“I’ve spoken with many spirits during my travels in the Fade. It isn’t the common practise, but comes with many benefits.”

Of course, you knew that. The reason you even started the subject was to shake him. Was he going to kill you for it? If you were to die with the knowledge he possessed, you would die happily.

“I can only imagine what kind of opportunities an excellent somniari like yourself possesses.” You smiled.

“I am sure you can.” He answered without missing a beat. Your smile didn’t falter. You could do more.

“Although I cannot fathom from whom did you acquire your skills. Somniari and a powerful mage; you are full of surprises, Serah Solas. People are usually killing for this kind of expertise. I wonder why you’re not widely respected for your skills.” That was your triumph card. You knew something was wrong and you could have proved he had to have a master. If his lies weren’t enough, you still had more ideas of how to throw him out of the castle.

“As are you, Lady Valentina.” You’ve heard in his voice something that remind you of his teasing earlier. “It requires an admirable resolve to dare to threaten someone who terrify them so much.”

Your fist clenched instinctively when the memories of the darkness passed in your mind. You were aware that your lip was trembling, as well that you have lost. But it was just a battle not a war. You still had a few cards up your sleeve.

Before you were able to recollect yourself completely, he spoke again. “Although, I do not remember to do anything frightful. Was my death so gruesome to watch?” Just like you suspected, he already heard everything from the Inquisitor. They seemed to be quite close.

“It was a feeling, not a scene.” You automatically corrected him.

Once again, he was able to shake your ground. You needed to evacuate quickly, to gain time for creating a strategy. Time for the escape. You smiled pleasantly. You’ve had enough.

“Although I am curious of what else are you hiding, it seems like my time here came to an end.” You stood up. “I bid you a good day, Serah.”

“Do you not require escort, Lady Valentina?” Your smile trembled slightly at the reminder, but you turned away without an answer.

You remembered how many steps you took from the place Varric left you. It was still fresh in your well-trained memory, so you confidently walked back. You picked up on a sound of the fabric back from the couch, along with Solas’s light moving closer, but focused on remembering where the door was. It was somewhere to your right, although you weren’t sure the exact angle. Just in case of meeting the wall, you slightly rose your hand. You weren’t familiar enough with the room to place the door in your mind, however you were determined to not show another weakness. You and your stupid pride.

“Lady Valentina!” Solas called out after you, but you ignored him.

His quick steps were only slightly registered by your focused mind. However, his hand on your raised one along with the arm circling your waist burned your skin as if he summoned a fire. Your eyes opened in a surprise when to your nose came the familiar wild smell. Your cheeks reddened and your mind clouded. The tears threatened to show at the shadow of the pain in your heart.

“I apologise for this, although I don’t suppose you would like to be dirtied with the paint.” An amused voice said closely to your ear. He let go of your waist. “Could I be at least of help till the door? I am certain Master Thetras is waiting for you on the other side.” He asked, placing your hand on top of his arm.

You looked up at him. Although only seconds passed, you taught herself how to use your remaining senses to the point, that it felt as if the time slowed down. It was hard to think with your clouded mind, but one sentence was obvious to you. “Unnecessary kindness is unlike you.”

“Excuse me?”

Then, you realised that you were staring at him with your eyes open. Some people, like Sera the day before, found it scary and unnatural. “Please forgive me. It seems like I was too sure of my memory. Would you be so kind to guide me to the door?”

For a moment a silence answered you. You tilted your head slightly. Surely your eyes shouldn’t give him much of a shock now?

“This way.” He finally said, slowly guiding you. Whatever was on his mind, he didn’t say.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of weird Fade-things and a little glance into the Past.

The wooden door shook in its hinges. You frantically looked around. You didn’t have enough strength to push any of the furniture to barricade yourself. You’ve already locked the door and placed the chair under the handle. What more could you do? You were only a child.

You run across the room. You passed by the huge bed, built to easily fit two adults. You’ve spent countless nights sobbing into those red satin pillows. You ignored the door to the bathroom and the wardrobe. After all, there was no place to hide there as well as no point to do so. You just had to escape.

You opened the window. A soft smell of night wind hit you, making you a little less scared for a moment. Sure, your room was on the first floor, but there were vines reaching your window. You would climb as far as you could and then jump down. Then, you had to pass the courtyard before you could disappear in the garden. You’ve already found out the one weakness in your master’s barrier. You could force it open and never see him again. You had a chance. You just had to be quicker than anyone else.

You went out of the window. The cold wind bit your bare legs. Your nightdress got torn when you jumped into the bush. Really, you couldn’t care less.

As you stumbled onto the stony alley you heard a noise above you. Your door finally gave up. You thoughtlessly looked up, before scolding yourself for wasting time. You were so close.

That’s where your escape ended. You took only two steps until you stopped abruptly. An arched hedge passage leading to the garden was filling in with the servants. All of them looked at you in anger, some of them even had kitchen knives. Behind them you could see the helmets characteristic to the guards. They were already pushing through the servants to secure you.

You took a step back with panic. You knew there was another way behind you, only you didn’t want to turn back. No, you weren’t sure you could bear it again.

A low growl rose from your right. It was so out of place that you quickly snapped your head to search for the source. To your surprise a black wolf stood on the lawn. It was even bigger than you were. It was slowly walking towards the memory of servants and soldiers, while its growl was more threatening with each step. When it passed by you, you fell on the stone with relief. It was only a dream. You closed your eyes for a moment, placing memories in order. The breakfast with Varric. The talk with Solas. What was next?

You’ve eaten a snack, which was a present from Varric. He was slightly apologetic when he saw how pale you’ve walked out of Solas’ rotunda. Hawke scolded him later for that, but by the evening they were once again joyfully playing Wicked Grace. While they played, you were talking with Iron Bull. You’ve enjoyed finding out more about him, his company or even the Qun, more focused on storing the new knowledge rather than sympathizing with ideals. This time, Varric properly escorted you to the bed.

You looked at the wolf and it was staring back at you. There was no one else there. “Thank you.” You said. The wolf slowly nodded his head. You smiled slightly at the sight. “I better change this sad scenery. It would be a shame to attract demons now, wouldn’t it?”

You glanced at the stone under your hand, tapping it with the finger. The gesture created a wave as if the stone was a liquid and in a second the surroundings changed.

It was a familiar clearing in a forest, with a small pond nearby. You run your hands through the grass, remembering the tickling sensation and creating it in the Fade. You breathed in, searching for a freshness in the air before adding it to the mix, together with a quiet rustling from the moving leaves on the trees. The safe haven was done.

The wolf was curiously looking around. “Never saw someone change the Fade before?” You giggled. “I’ve created a safe place around me. There is a lot of mages in Skyhold right now and a somniari, although he is a little different, I guess.” It tilted its head at you. “You can check him yourself. Just be careful of other mages. Some of them do not take kindly to spirits.” You extended your hand to pet it.

It backed away from you. You sent him a sad smile. “You have nothing to fear from me.” The pure Spirits knew that if given unwillingly, your power mind harm them. By instinct, they preferred to stay away from you.

Despite your assurance, the wolf stayed outside of your range, so you dropped your hand with a sigh. You lay down, thinking back to the first time you saw this wolf. It was the same day you arrived at Skyhold. Was it a guardian spirit? They were terribly rare, but you’ve met one before. They were created when the spirit of Protection was formed around some place or person. It required a unique will as far as you knew. From what was it protecting Skyhold? It walked closer to you. It looked a little ridiculous – as if a giant wolf was afraid of you. Cautious maybe?

“What is it?” You asked. It turned and trotted towards the pond. “Do you want me to follow you?” You clarified when it stopped to look at you. It didn’t give a nod like before, but you still followed it.

The wolf stopped at the pond. It looked to the water and again at you. However, you didn’t see anything out of ordinary. With clear irritation it patted the surface. You kneeled to see the water better. When the wrinkles on the water cleared, you understood.

You sat on the grass and laughed. The wolf sat across from you, its head tilting in wonder.

“Sorry, sorry!” You cleared some of the tears that escaped from your laughter. “I just can’t believe I missed it. You were afraid of how I look, weren’t you? It’s not my real form after all. You've felt something was amiss.”

You put your hand through your short hair. Outside of the Fade, you had long hair, but your appearance was changed due to your memories. It was expected from you to cut your hair short, so they wouldn’t get in the way while practising magic. Your eyes were brown and your skin was sun touched. Plus, you were still in the small body of a child.

“This is how I see myself.” You told the wolf, although you knew it would sound weird to the spirit. “The last time I saw myself in the mirror was when I was a child. Then, my master put this power into me. I became his tool to use whenever he liked. Another one at least.” You frowned.

You’ve hated him. He used you and Fenris, so it was only fair that you were happy that he had died.

At the same time, you felt nothing for him. He was just a foolish human, searching for something beyond his reach.

“Well.” You focused back on the wolf. “I guess this appearance might be easier for you.”

You felt the magic around you, searching for the idea and pushed yours forward. When you looked at the surface of the pond, you saw a weird, green eyes with silver pupils.

“Here! Even my hair is back.” You twisted a lock between your fingers. The wolf growled as if dissatisfied. “I don't like my appearance either, but it's not like I can do something with it.” You shrugged.

The wolf looked like he was pouting and you giggled in response to this human-like reaction. “Aren't you just adorable? If you weren't a spirit, I would have taken you in immediately!” Its tail stopped while his muscles clenched in anticipation. An instinct for sure, but you didn't pay it much thought. Your intentions weren't malicious after all. “I would have spent with you every day. I would have groomed your fur- Oh, maybe that's not the best of my ideas. I would hate to hurt you.”

You looked down on your small delicate hands. Your blindness meant nothing in the Fade, however you were dependant on others in the waking world. Taking care of wolf or any other animal wasn't something you were able to do on your own and making more work for your friends was simply preposterous. You were saddened by this fact but it was your reality.

“Sorry. It isn’t something I should have said.”

It was dangerous to show any desires in the Fade even more because you weren’t a normal mage anymore. You closed your eyes shortly, focusing on emptying your mind. Breath in, breath out. Slowly you were back to silently enjoying the feeling of gentle wind on your face and tickling grass underneath you. It was safe.

After a while, the wolf stood up. You bid him goodbye as it went closer to the treeline, before it jumped out of your dream.

* * *

“Did you sleep well?” Hawke asked when you sat for the breakfast with your friends in the tavern.

You waited a short moment to make sure the question was for you. No one said anything so you answered. “Actually, better than lately. I’ve met someone.”

“In a dream?” Hawke managed to ask in a way that didn’t sound like she thought you were crazy.

“You would like him I think.” You nodded, taking another bite of your eggs. Even food tasted better that day.

“Him?” Fenris asked simply.

You brightened up. Although it was unusual for spirits to choose gender, it still happened. Since you knew, you would respect this choice, because it was proof of his nature. Not that it usually made any sense to someone not used to the spirit world.

“He was kind, despite seeing who I really am.” You told him quietly, not wanting someone to overheard you and your friends.

“I don’t want to burst your bubble, but perhaps you should try making friends in the real world.” Varric said.

“But you are my best friend, Varric!” You exclaimed in not overly loud voice, while teasing to your heart’s content. “Why would I ever need anyone else?”

“Oh, I am one of a kind.” He agreed. “And you are as well.”

“Varric is right, you know.” Hawke pulled you to her with one arm. “We can’t have such a treasure all to ourselves.”

You started laughing at them, but they were having none of it. “Hey, that’s true, Cub.”

“Yeah, our bright Oracle should be shared.”

You felt Hawke’s fingers tickling at your sides and you clasped your hands over your mouth, trying to suppress your voice. However, Hawke was relentless and you finally hugged her tightly begging for mercy.

“Friends may be too much.” Fenris spoke up and you wiped your tears before moving your head in his direction. “Although I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to open up to someone.”

You tilted your head in wonder. For Fenris to even suggest you should attempt to trust someone meant a lot. Your safety was always the first thing to consider in any situation and for you to destroy it by carelessly revealing yourself to others made you angry. You would hate to be even a bigger burden than you already were. On the other side, there was a few people already aware of your abilities.

The Inquisitor, her advisors, the former Right Hand of the Divine and, of course, your not-so-favourite elven mage. A total of six people in the entire fortress who might be the biggest danger to you or the greatest allies. You stopped on that thought. Allies would be valuable.

“That should be the advice for the both of you, actually.” Hawke decided. “But I do believe you meant to add: _as long as that someone isn’t a man_.” Her tone went to much more teasing.

You sighed a little, ignoring Fenris growling in denial. You were used to his overprotectiveness, since it was important when you were on the run. You were always a liability, with your lack of condition, poor health and of course your blindness. It wasn’t that surprising that Fenris grew to fuss over you like a parent would over their child.

Ever since Hawke met you, it bothered her how much attention you got from Fenris. It was already behind you two, but you remembered that she had been jealous at first. As of now, she was more worried if you and Fenris ever had to part your ways, none of you would have survived.

_Clasp!_

Recognizing the sound of clasping hands in front of you, you gave your attention to Varric.

“I got to go. Have fun today, kids!”

“Did you have plans today?” Hawke asked confused.

“Strictly confidential plans with the Inquisition.” He joyfully told her.

“At least you won’t have time to feed me to the predator.” You grinned, remembering the yesterday’s fiasco. “My revenge will be sweet, Varric.”

“Aw, come on, Cub. You know you love me.”

“Remember who is sleeping in the other bed in your room. I am not above making sure you won’t get a good night’s sleep.”

He started choking and coughing, so you rose your brow.

“You shouldn’t have been drinking when you joke around with Valentina.” Hawke commented.

“Now-” Varric coughed once more. “I really have to go.”

* * *

You have repeatedly mentioned to your friends how much you hated the stairs. That’s why one had to wonder if there really was no other choice but to choose a tower for Hawke and a bedroom for you at the end of the staircase. After going to Hawke’s bedroom for a good portion of gossip, you convinced her for a walk on the bailey. There was no way you would walk more stairs than you absolutely had to.

The other thing that you hated were people. That’s why the castle’s walls were the best choice. Other than patrols, no one else had any reason to be there.

Of course, there was always something that didn’t go as you wanted it to.

“Woah, isn’t it too late for your usual morning checkout, Cullen?”

You wanted a calming, quiet time with your friend. Was that really too much to ask? Still, it’s not like you disliked Cullen in particular.

“I got buried in the paperwork and missed a lot of time.” He sighed. His voice confirmed his tiredness. “Good evening, lady Valentina.”

“Good evening, Commander.” You nodded your head.

“And no good evening for me?” Hawke mustered a hurt voice. “Here I thought we were closer than that.”

“Good evening to you Hawke as well.”

“Don’t worry.” Hawke put her hand on top of your head to ruffle your hair. You didn’t even react, waiting to fix them once she was done. “This one just has a lot on her mind. If you wouldn’t miss your morning walk, then maybe you would catch her at a better mood.”

Now she was teasing both of you. Although you weren’t sure what made her catch the impression you were displeased with interruption.

Cullen ignored it. “Is there anything I can help you with, lady Valentina? If you have problems with accommodations then I can pass it along to Josephine.”

Could he read your mind? You shook your head at the thought as well as an answer for him. “Thank you, but my problems are of a different nature.”

“Come to think of it, you two never met in Kirkwall, right?” Hawke mused.

“No, I first met lady Valentina here.” Cullen confirmed for you.

You frowned slightly at the thought. “I took particular care to never go anywhere close to templars. Gallows were the last place for any apostate and it’s even more true for myself.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Hawke agreed.

Your friends knew Cullen quite well. Many of the requests Hawke did, ended up with her going to talk with Cullen. She even shamelessly brought Merril and Anders there. Fenris hated Gallows because the concentration of lyrium made his skin itch. You knew if you would have come, it may have felt similar to you.

Cullen had been rarely patrolling outside of the Gallows due to his rank. For the two of you to meet, it would have required quite luck.

You realized what was bordering on the side of your memory. “There was only one time we could have met. As I have just remembered there was a lot of templars by Meredith side when the Chantry blew up. Have you been with her?”

With a small gasp of surprise Cullen recalled the day. “No. I’ve stayed at the Gallows.”

You clasped your hands together in front of you and falsely smiled with ease. “It seems like I’ve always missed sir Cullen.

* * *

9:32 Dragon – Nine Years Earlier

As the sun quickly hid behind buildings, they bid their goodbyes to Varric and Anders. Mage shot an uncertain look at Fenris, but there was no denying that ex-slave and Hawke were heading in the same direction. He used to argue with elf every time the two were going together to Hightown. As years went by, he had to accept that their leader was certainly safer on her way home. Now, if only it was someone else who made her smile so brightly, Anders would consider being glad that she had an escort.

Mage hurriedly made his way to the lift leading to the Darktown. He was exhausted, both his body and magic demanded a break. Not that he would have any, not with patients that were bound to be waiting in front of his clinic for his return. He didn’t mind it, but even he couldn’t deny that he won’t be able to do much that night.

Anders rounded the corner, too deep in thought to hear light steps and felt someone crash into him. He caught the person out of reflex and looked down. A female had her hand on her face, probably trying to stop the pain caused by collision so it was hard to discern her age. She was more than a head smaller than him, but her body was fully developed, with her slim waist accented by the belt she wore. Her clothes were simple and clearly lost its original colour, but they were clean and without holes or even patches. Clearly her family wasn’t as poor as Darktown residents, but they shouldn’t let her stride through alleys of Lowtown after dark.

She mumbled something quickly and finally let go of her sore nose to turn her head upwards at him. Anders stilled; his eyes glued to hers.

“I apologize, messere.” She said, as the mage shivered under unmoving gaze. Her eyes had a deep green colour with unique silver pupil; Anders immediately knew that she was blind. “I was at fault.”

He finally regained his senses enough to answer. “Don’t worry about it, I wasn’t looking either.” He paused, a shock running through his face. “I’m sorry, that’s not it...” He searched his head for the right words but he was too distracted with her looks.

It’s not her beauty that captivated him, as he could truthfully tell that Hawke was much more beautiful than her. No, Anders only could look at woman before him as a healer right now. Her skin was pale with ill-looking bluish shade. She had deep circles below her eyes and her cheeks were collapsed more than they should. Malnourished? Considering her clothes, she couldn’t be poor for long and Anders was certain that there was a disease in work here.

With his hand still holding her small arm, he spoke up in a calming tone that he used with children. “My name is Anders. What’s yours?”

She hesitated, her fists tightening. “I’m called Cecilia, messere Anders.” Her voice was pleasant to hear, not too high or bleak. She had a slight accent but mage had no idea where it was from.

He didn’t like how she called him “messere”, but he had more important things on mind. “I’m a healer, Cecilia, and you are clearly not all right. Can I examine you?” Her body froze in something akin to panic and he added. “I only want to help you. You don’t have to pay me, either.”

“That doesn’t sound fair to you, messere.” She pointed out. A wind picked up and messed with her long black hair. They danced on the front of her face, but she made no move to remove them until the wind quieted.

“That’s not important. Will you come with me to my clinic?”

She shook her head. “It’s late, though I am thankful for your thought.”

“Then if you had time tomorrow, please come. I can tell that you're unwell.”

He explained how she could get there and gave her a warning. Darktown wasn’t safe, especially for woman that was alone. Anders told her to find Tomwise if she couldn’t go with her family member. She smiled through his monologue and he had a feeling she wasn’t going to come.

“Thank you, messere Anders.” She nodded her head at him. “I’m truly grateful for your invitation.”

You waved your hand to disrupt the sight. The thought that those memories were so close to you in the Fade that you could actually view them, pained you. They should have been left in Kirkwall. If only you didn’t feel his emotions so personally, you could have pretended those were your own memories.

Another downside was how you looked like there. It was weird to not being able to recognize yourself, but you couldn’t tie the reckless, but honest child with the person you were. Or maybe what really irked you was the fact that you were seen as such. You had lost your innocence long before you met him.

Justice should have known better. Years passed since Kirkwall and you still couldn’t understand why did the spirit let him get close to you. If he wouldn’t try to help you, would anything change? You doubted it but it didn’t stop the guilt.

When you heard rustling, you rose your head. The wolf was walking towards you. “Have you felt that I was upset?” You smiled at him.

He lied down beside you and didn’t even twitched when you reached out to bury your fingers in his fur. It was soft and warm. However, not even the most beautiful fur could best the familiar one.

“I miss my friend.” You finally said. It was an understatement, but it was simple enough for a spirit. “He was the first person who approached me without any hidden intentions. He wanted to help me, only because he saw I needed it. And four years ago, he did something unforgivable.” Your eyes filled with tears and you trembled.

You wanted to go back in time. To days when carelessly talking in the Hanged Man and mediating between him and Fenris were your everyday activities. Or those times when he came in the early morning to Hawke’s mansion, where you will scold him for not eating the most important meal before asking Orana for a simple breakfast. To the bustling clinic, where you would simply entertain injured people as well as their families by talking to them or singing. Up to four years ago, you weren’t afraid of walking through Darktown; the same people who were thankful to him for curing them, felt the same about you.

Really, you missed Anders.

Only thinking his name pierced your heart once more. You hid your face in the black fur while more tears went down your cheeks. There was nothing you could do about the empty space in your heart and you didn’t want to as well. It was reserved for one person. Not even the betrayal could change that.

The wolf stayed still through your crying. Part of you wanted to point out that it was unlike him, but you didn’t want him to change his mind. You needed the comfort he offered. You suspected that his presence was the reason that other spirits stayed away, despite the whirlwind of emotions in your heart.

“Thank you.” You said truthfully. You frowned for a moment, making decision, but you wanted to give him something back. With a kiss to his nape, you pulled at your heart.

The wolf quickly rose and his fur bristled on his back. He was glaring at you with distrust, but you smiled slightly. “A small gift. It will surely help you to protect Skyhold better.”

His wide eyes stared at you in bewilderment. He didn’t look any different to you, but you couldn’t see the lights in the Fade anyway. However, his reaction told you that you properly strengthened him.

“That’s for creating a place for me to cry. And now, I really need to wake up.”

* * *

“So, did you have a good night with your friend?” Varric teased during breakfast.

You frowned, not sure what he was getting at. Did you sleep-talk again? “Yes, I did.”

“You sure did. _Quite loudly_ I might add.”

You flushed with embarrassment at the implications, before paling immediately. You never could have expected they would ask about this. You shouldn’t talk about what led to your crying. “It’s not like that...” You tried to find an excuse, but you couldn’t lie to them like to others. They were your friends and family; it would be a betrayal.

“Valentina?” You jumped at the drawling voice. Oh no, it was Fenris’ “you’re in trouble” tone.

“At least he was good.” Hawke joked and you sighed.

You needed to control this conversation. “Let me explain.”

“Go on.” Fenris coldly said.

You’ve managed not to tremble. Despite being aware Fenris hated not knowing what was going on with you or not being able to control it, you were still afraid one day he would see you as you were. While not a mage anymore, you were still in large danger of being possessed. Your abilities were even scarier than mages were. One day, Fenris may realise what you are. Then, you hoped he would rather hate you than be indifferent and just forget you as if you never existed to begin with.

You drunk the rest of your water quickly. You couldn’t lie to them, but you could simply not tell everything. “He is a spirit of protection. Last night he gave me a safe place while my feelings were in turmoil.”

“Aw, that’s cute.” Hawke laughed. “What kind of spirit is it?”

“This is definitely the next chapter of Tales of the Oracle." Varric said and you snapped your head in his direction.

“You swore you’ve stopped writing it!” You pouted.

Varric ignored you. “She fell into his arms, feeling completed by him. _I was so lonely during the day!_ She told him.”

The horror stroke you like a lightning. The thought of a mere possibility of twisting the Spirit or picking attention of a greater demon, gave you goose bumps. What was more horrible was the fact that you remembered clearly the warm fur. You would not touch him again. You shouldn’t.

“Stop it!” Your hand overturned your empty mug on accident and you quickly put it back. “It will not sell!” You went with your best option to persuade him.

“Let’s wait for my editor’s opinion first. But you know, people love stories with a hopeless situation. Especially when the pair is conflicted what to choose: their relationship or-”

_Bam!_

You jumped, startled.

“You said you will explain.” Fenris said much too calmly for your liking. “Explain everything.”

You were really hoping this wouldn’t be necessary. “Varric heard what he heard because I was crying. And the reason was... well...” You really didn’t want to say it. You hid your hands under the table and tightened them into fists.

“Does she really-?” Hawke started but stopped.

There was no escape from this. “Last night I remembered the day when I met Anders for the first time.” You did not add how many times you watched this situation in the Fade.

A silence followed and you sighed again. This was exactly why you didn’t want to tell them.

“Ah, Hawke.” Varric spoke up carelessly as if absolutely nothing happened. “Have you met Seeker yet? She’s your fan.”

“Isn’t she the one who is pissed off at you for lying about my whereabouts?” Hawke laughed a little too forced. No one wanted to talk about Anders. Especially with you.

“Nah, she’s just shy. Really, you should meet her.”

“Then, are you going to introduce me?”

“That might not be a good idea. If I didn’t hide behind Cub, I would be dead already.”

“You’ve admitted it surprisingly easily.”

You stood up. The atmosphere was tense and you didn’t like how it distanced you from your friends. “I have somewhere to go.”

“I will escort you.” Fenris offered before anyone else could.

You hesitated, even though you knew you were overdue for a talk. “I want to visit the elven mage, Solas.”

You’ve promised Fenris you two would talk later, in your bedroom. You didn’t have much strength and you wanted to spend a relatively calm morning, so you could have time to gather your thoughts. When you had asked Fenris to escort you later for lunch, you had believed he would wait at Varric’s corner. That’s why you wondered why, Maker's knickers, your brother in everything by blood was standing behind you while you sat on Solas’s couch.

You had a few reasons for this visit. One, you had decided to find out more about him. You wanted to get him to talk and find out more lies. It was enough to find just one weakness to strike and he would give in to you. His real secret. You would be gaining his knowledge while casting him out from the fortress at the same time.

Two, in the middle of doing reconnaissance about him, you might find something valuable about others. This would be the first step to creating allies and those meant higher chance of survival for your entire family by strengthening position of the weakest point; namely yourself. And the first target would be the elven mage. It was your plan A, but with the fear still inside you, you believed it would be better to create Solas-less Skyhold.

Third, you really needed to finally check the vision about him and couldn’t do it otherwise than meet him.

With those three points it surely explained why you were there. As for Fenris? He did the typical Fenris thing and tagged along to make sure no bad mages would hurt you. Did you blame him? No. Did his obviously antagonistic behaviour hinder your own agenda? You would be surprised if it didn’t.

You had trouble with keeping up your smile. You’ve already went through a whole conversation about the way mages are channelling their magic (which you insisted must have punctured the Veil more throughout the ages than one explosion did in the Temple) and you could feel Solas was feeling uncomfortable (no doubt because of Fenris), judging by the way he kept trying to steer you away from the subject. The only way this situation could get any worse, was if Lord Dorian tried to join the conversation. Thank the Maker it didn’t happen.

You decided it was the time to give up for the day. “Serah Solas, would you mind if I took another look at you? As I had already mentioned to the Inquisitor, it could be a chance to ascertain the meaning of my previous vision.”

“If you believe it might help, then I will not be one to protest, lady Valentina.” His voice was far too calm for someone who was about to find out if he is going to die quite messily or not.

“I hope you do not place too much trust on my visions.” You’ve said before you could stop herself. “I still have much to learn about them.”

“I have seen similar abilities in my travels, although they were few as talented as you. I will be open to discuss those experiences, should you wish to gain more knowledge.” Have you mentioned his voice was sweet as a syrup you were addicted to? Or that his light that day was more pleasant as if a kitten was rubbing against you? “Provided, of course, you are in need of a teacher.”

Dear Maker. Was he flirting with you? Your cheeks burned as your mouth went dry. Keep it together Valentina, you had a job to do and it didn’t mean pissing Fenris off more than he already was.

“I will give it some thought, serah.” Your voice didn’t tremble which you considered a small victory. “Shall we start?”

“Whenever you are ready.”

After taking a deep breath and calming your fluttering heart, you opened your eyes.

Absolutely nothing happened. You frowned, not expecting that. There was bound to be something, at least an echo of the first vision. You focused more on the warm kitten- that is, “light” in front of you.

A scent hit you. Unusual as it was for one to appear in your vision, it was even rarer to feel one without any other context. You picked up something familiar, something rosy and something... was it a candle?

You let out a sigh, frustrated. There was nothing to be seen in front of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did small edit on the last chapter, but I still don't get why I can't copy the exact same thing from Word here, so if anything looks like it was supposed to be in cursive, it probably is in the original file. Oh, well.


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